i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
