I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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