Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
