was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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