O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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