he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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