Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
