Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
