People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
