is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
