The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
