You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I love having hate sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
