Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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