You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
