its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
