been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
