Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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