First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
