Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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