so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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