plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
