I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
