I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
