Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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