O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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