I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
