That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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