I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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