Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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