the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
