Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
