Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
