Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This house was built for laser tag.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
