hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
