Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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