did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
