just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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