Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
