god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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