escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she pinky promised me she was 18
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
