I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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