That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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