my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
