Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
