the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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