I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
