I am puke
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
