first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
