All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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