you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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