She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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