Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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