I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Randomize
