This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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