don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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